So far, we've mostly just looked at writing in professional environments, but there are a lot of other types of writing that need attention. Today, we're looking at the syntax of creative writing. Syntax is the way words and phrases are put together to form well-written sentences. In particular, I want to focus on tentative language. This consists of words like "seemed" or "appeared to be."
Writers often use tentative language when writing about the thoughts and feelings of a character who isn't the point of view character. It's better than switching perspectives without warning, but it can make sentences flat and add uncertainty. It's better to show other characters' emotions through their actions. The POV character can't read their friends' minds and tell the audience what they're feeling. They have to use context clues and body language, so the writing will be more fleshed out if you as the writer include those clues.
I struggle with this in my own creative writing. I have an example from a scene that I wrote a while ago that I'd like to edit with this syntax advice in mind. For context, the characters are at a large, posh party and the POV character, Cecil, is speaking with his best friend's father, Lord Lanyon. Lanyon does not approve of the way his son acts.
“Thank you, Cecil. It is always a pleasure to see you, though a surprise to see you alone. I assume my son has slipped off to some corner to gossip?” Lord Lanyon said.
Cecil felt his previous irritation bubbling to the surface, but he didn't let it show on his face. “Actually, he said he was going to dance with his wife.”
That seemed to surprise Lord Lanyon, and a flicker of a smile crossed his face. “Hmm. About time,” he said.
The tentative language in this section comes in the line, "That seemed to surprise Lord Lanyon." I didn't want to jump to Lanyon's point of view, but I wanted to convey how he felt about what Cecil said. A better way to do this would be to show the action. The question I like to ask is: "What about the character made the POV character think they felt that way?" In this case, "What about Lord Lanyon made Cecil think he was surprised?" Maybe he raised his eyebrows or dropped his jaw. That gives me the clues that Cecil would use to determine how Lanyon feels, so I know what clues to give the audience.
Lord Lanyon raised his eyebrows and a flicker of a smile crossed his face. “Hmm. About time,” he said.
Or I could still reference the emotion in the action, as raising eyebrows has several different feelings that could cause it.
Lord Lanyon raised his eyebrows in surprise, and a flicker of a smile crossed his face. “Hmm. About time,” he said.
Either way, it isn't a very big change, but it makes the sentence less flat and shows more action. It could also be used to show character by letting the audience know what actions the characters do when they feel different emotions. It goes back to everyone's go-to writing advice: Show, don't tell. Even when we aren't seeing the character's POV, it's better to show the things they're doing than to state the way they're feeling.
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